Saturday, February 17, 2007

Nescafe and Satyagraha (thank you John Lennon)

What the world needs now is Instant Karma that comes in a cheap glass container with a free mug shrink-wrapped to a cardboard carton that contains both free gift mug and bottle of blunt powdered consequences. Just like Nescafe’, which, as Salahadin tells me, is advertised in Israel as “The Miracle Coffee.” Even though Salahadin goes sad-eyed and quiet when I ask him about nonviolent resistance, saying “Ah yes, Satyagraha. . .” as if it were some lost love of childhood, forever gone, moved to Cairo beyond the Green Line and the Israeli army, shot by a sniper while trying to rescue a wounded child in the refugee camp, bulldozed while incarnated as the spirit of an ancient olive tree. . . although conversation drifts and we never again speak of Satyagraha. . . everyone is awed by Nescafe’.

When Linus mentions Jabu Shabia, the old Palestinian socialist party, Yosef replies: “In the past we needed Jabu Shabia. Now maybe we need Islamic Jihad.” But what we really need is Instant Karma.

Instant Karma: it’s better than Islamic Jihad, Al Qaeda, the Israeli Occupation Force, and the Republican party all rolled into one. As soon as you finish a cup, you immediately experience the full and complete consequences of all your actions.

It will be incredibly popular, since everyone is certain that their own hands are clean and they are right. A global advertising campaign can be arranged via satellite TV, internet, billboards, and newspapers. Like Nescafe’ and Coca Cola, Instant Karma will be equally popular with rich and poor, Arab and American, Buddhist and atheist.

So you want to know exactly where you stand on the divine scale of judgment, exactly how your actions balance between absolute Good and absolute Evil? Try a refreshing cup of Instant Karma. No longer shall you bite your nails from guilt or neurosis. All shall be revealed. Only 10 cents a cup when you buy the one pound can, or one dollar made hot for you and served in a plastic cup at your local convenience store.